17 February 2020
Today was not that great. Felt depressed a lot. Dog (the puppy) kept biting my hand. And nipping at my leggings. I was at the end of my tether with him. I even considered giving him back to his breeder but he has settled down now. We went out for a drive to the Sbux and then we went home after a while.
Problems going with the cashflow. I have no money now and haven't had any since I got paid last month - social security. I've been able to stretch a bit more but it has been a sad thing. I was able to get some yarns and some quilting supplies but those are stagnant, the latter ones. Somehow I"m getting kept from doing something with the quilting.
I have told some people on social media that I'm considering stopping my fiction writing. I'm not happy when my loved ones and puppies are made to feel sad due to any attempts at writing fiction, even screenplays, the bad thoughts as I call them, are eager to make them 'die' remotely.
I don't know what to do. I"ve asked God today in desparation to kill me or take me somewhere where I don't have to deal with any of this crap. I cannot go through another day like this. I've had a difficult time trying to deal with disappointment in my attempts to keep a job or do a new job like Lularoe. Lularoe isn't moving any merchandise. I'm not able to sell on Ebay nor etsy nor any other place. I am sick of trying to come up with a tweak to my advertisement strategy. I've been trying to find a way to get some reading and that's not happening. I am sick of being kept a prisoner. I need out and now.
I want to ask for asylum from some country but I hesitate because some of those people in those countries are tied to the same bad thoughts that have been making my life a hell.
No real updates on anything I"ve done today.
Bye.
Mary
Problems going with the cashflow. I have no money now and haven't had any since I got paid last month - social security. I've been able to stretch a bit more but it has been a sad thing. I was able to get some yarns and some quilting supplies but those are stagnant, the latter ones. Somehow I"m getting kept from doing something with the quilting.
I have told some people on social media that I'm considering stopping my fiction writing. I'm not happy when my loved ones and puppies are made to feel sad due to any attempts at writing fiction, even screenplays, the bad thoughts as I call them, are eager to make them 'die' remotely.
I don't know what to do. I"ve asked God today in desparation to kill me or take me somewhere where I don't have to deal with any of this crap. I cannot go through another day like this. I've had a difficult time trying to deal with disappointment in my attempts to keep a job or do a new job like Lularoe. Lularoe isn't moving any merchandise. I'm not able to sell on Ebay nor etsy nor any other place. I am sick of trying to come up with a tweak to my advertisement strategy. I've been trying to find a way to get some reading and that's not happening. I am sick of being kept a prisoner. I need out and now.
I want to ask for asylum from some country but I hesitate because some of those people in those countries are tied to the same bad thoughts that have been making my life a hell.
No real updates on anything I"ve done today.
Bye.
Mary
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