25 March 2020
Today like yesterday I stayed in bed and tried not to face the day. I've been having revelations about my stepfather. And I have discovered that he was the main person that kept me from being a successful person. He has a 'power' to make me feel sad and depressed. He focuses hateful thoughts at me and makes me feel sad and lonely and tells me I'm not any good. He's not the only one who does it to me. He has a group of people who rain on my mind and make me sad and depressed, demoralized, unfocused, unmotivated. I don't like how he's been the one person who made it his job to make me sad all my life. i learned too that he has done physical pain and ill health to my late mother, without him laying a hand on her. One day she was in the ER and the nurse saw all the small bruises all over her back. It alarmed me for I never saw this. the nurse asked me if there was any sign of abuse in my mother's life. I said I didn't think so. My stepdad kept away from both of us in our family life. He sat with us at dinnertime but he had his own place in the house where he sat most of the time.
I'm afraid this abuse that my Stepfather has given my mother has now been visited on me twenty-fold. I don't know what I'm going to do with this information. The man has never lay a hand on me when I was an adult. One time when I was alittle child he whipped me with his belt for messing with my mother's makeup box. Then he said he was never going to do it again. But my backside hurt a lot that night.
My stepdad has other children and they are 'my cousins' and they brazenly say they're cousins of mine. i'm sure they all troop together and make me sad along with their father. I do'nt like this at all.
Please my God, this man is cruel and filled with hate. He is paid by someone big to keep me under a cloud of negativity. yet he claims to be out of funds in between his social security pension checks. And he expects me to give him help every month. I'm a generous person and in those days when I thought of him as my real dad, I would give him money. One day he said his bank didn't pay his mortgage payment. Well I had to take out that money from my pension and give it to him. Then he came back and said that there was bank issue. Then he said the money he gave me was 'hacked' and disappeared. The thing was really weird to me. My boyfriend told me this guy lied to me. he's taken the money and put it somewhere to fund his retirement.
I'm sure he also sends money to his many bastards. Some of them are prostitutes and dealers of mayhem. They are bad oh my God they are bad.
I am trapped in this house where I am responsible for half the mortgage and now I'm not sure that I'll be able to keep going on.
I'm not able to do any writing, or even work too much on my Lularoe, and the Mary Kay and the Thirtyone Gifts. I've been so unhappy today that I couldn't work on any of my businesses.
I've not eaten anything he's made in the last two days. Or three days. I make my own meals. I wake up earlier than he does. So I'm usually able to get something eaten. But when he gets out fo his room I go do something else somewhere in the house. He has a problem with woman, My God. He might be interested in me too. That bad sin is in his heart. I cannot be safe here. What do I do in the meantime?
I've only one friend who is keeping tabs on me. Other than this person I don't have anyone. I do have my therapist. it's been difficult seeing her because of the COVID problem. I finally talked to her on the phone today. That's when I started to cry and tell her that my life seems to be a pointless thing. What do I have to look forward to?
She said I should go to the MHA website and see if there are online groups of people who could help me, but so far i've not seen these.
I hope this bastard who goes around acting like my dad gets his just desserts. He took away my dear Mother. now he's trying to see what he can do with me. I don't know what he is planning. I know he has issues with the bank because he willingly went into a scam with people to spend $2400 to buy gift cards. The bank declined the purchase. So he called them on the speaker (so I could hear, because he's an actor and wants it on the record that I listened inadvertently) and the bank person said his bank account is now closed. I guessed that would happen. Then today he talked to another person who said he still has money in his bank. Now why would the bank change tunes? He's either in the bank or out of the bank.
Now I am wondering what he plans to do with his social security check that will arrive in a few weeks. I am suspecting he will want to change banks. or he will give me a sob story thtat no bank will take him because of this second instance of being scammed. So he will want me to be charitable and tell him he can have his check deposited into MY bank account. That will NEVER happen. This guy is sick. I can't begin to tell you how squirrely and convoluted his mind is.
Now he is sitting in his chair in the living room. I am thinking he's plotting with his bastards (in telepathic language) to kill me today.
I'm afraid this abuse that my Stepfather has given my mother has now been visited on me twenty-fold. I don't know what I'm going to do with this information. The man has never lay a hand on me when I was an adult. One time when I was alittle child he whipped me with his belt for messing with my mother's makeup box. Then he said he was never going to do it again. But my backside hurt a lot that night.
My stepdad has other children and they are 'my cousins' and they brazenly say they're cousins of mine. i'm sure they all troop together and make me sad along with their father. I do'nt like this at all.
Please my God, this man is cruel and filled with hate. He is paid by someone big to keep me under a cloud of negativity. yet he claims to be out of funds in between his social security pension checks. And he expects me to give him help every month. I'm a generous person and in those days when I thought of him as my real dad, I would give him money. One day he said his bank didn't pay his mortgage payment. Well I had to take out that money from my pension and give it to him. Then he came back and said that there was bank issue. Then he said the money he gave me was 'hacked' and disappeared. The thing was really weird to me. My boyfriend told me this guy lied to me. he's taken the money and put it somewhere to fund his retirement.
I'm sure he also sends money to his many bastards. Some of them are prostitutes and dealers of mayhem. They are bad oh my God they are bad.
I am trapped in this house where I am responsible for half the mortgage and now I'm not sure that I'll be able to keep going on.
I'm not able to do any writing, or even work too much on my Lularoe, and the Mary Kay and the Thirtyone Gifts. I've been so unhappy today that I couldn't work on any of my businesses.
I've not eaten anything he's made in the last two days. Or three days. I make my own meals. I wake up earlier than he does. So I'm usually able to get something eaten. But when he gets out fo his room I go do something else somewhere in the house. He has a problem with woman, My God. He might be interested in me too. That bad sin is in his heart. I cannot be safe here. What do I do in the meantime?
I've only one friend who is keeping tabs on me. Other than this person I don't have anyone. I do have my therapist. it's been difficult seeing her because of the COVID problem. I finally talked to her on the phone today. That's when I started to cry and tell her that my life seems to be a pointless thing. What do I have to look forward to?
She said I should go to the MHA website and see if there are online groups of people who could help me, but so far i've not seen these.
I hope this bastard who goes around acting like my dad gets his just desserts. He took away my dear Mother. now he's trying to see what he can do with me. I don't know what he is planning. I know he has issues with the bank because he willingly went into a scam with people to spend $2400 to buy gift cards. The bank declined the purchase. So he called them on the speaker (so I could hear, because he's an actor and wants it on the record that I listened inadvertently) and the bank person said his bank account is now closed. I guessed that would happen. Then today he talked to another person who said he still has money in his bank. Now why would the bank change tunes? He's either in the bank or out of the bank.
Now I am wondering what he plans to do with his social security check that will arrive in a few weeks. I am suspecting he will want to change banks. or he will give me a sob story thtat no bank will take him because of this second instance of being scammed. So he will want me to be charitable and tell him he can have his check deposited into MY bank account. That will NEVER happen. This guy is sick. I can't begin to tell you how squirrely and convoluted his mind is.
Now he is sitting in his chair in the living room. I am thinking he's plotting with his bastards (in telepathic language) to kill me today.
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