09 Jun 2020

I'm not happy and have been so for a long time.  I cannot stand living here in this house.  I want us to move away.  I can't take the ghosts anymore.  They hurt me and make me feel unsteady.  They want me to die.  They want me to get out of my stuff and they'll put someone else in my stuff and that person will be the New Ione Mountbatten who they will groom and make into a Queen.  I don't care for these bastards who've been my enemies and murderers since I was a child.  I cannot take them anymore.  Please will someone take them away and put them in prison?  I want them to go to prison for kidnapping me while I was a child in England.  I want them to go to prison for telling me that I was a Filipino child. I had actors parents. My parents who were my adoptive parents in England are called the McGreaveys and they never cared much for me while I was in their care.  They merely said Nothing when I was kidnapped.  They thought that I went with someone and never cared to come back or worse that I was really attacked and went into a bad end.  I am sad that my real parents haven't done a damn thing to acknowledge me and who I am.  I have no real idea how to go on and find my way through this life I've been given.  My wicked stepmother is still trying to go with me and I sometimes hear her thoughts.  My stepfather seems to be unwilling to tell me the truth of how I ended up in the Philippines.  I wish he would.  I don't know what he's waiting for. I suspect he's been given money by the Queen to make me feel sad, to depress me and make me always feel as though I have to do something about being always out of money.  He tells me he's no money other than that moeny he gets in his pension.

I'm trying to be decent to him. I've told him I can help him with whatever I have but I too have a business to run.  I need to get some sort of income from my books.  I can't work in the public square.  These people will devise a way to make me die in the middle of the public square, or worse, get into an accident and then that will solve their problem.  They'll kidnap me again and take me to a concentration camp somewhere between China, Afghanistan and Arizona's desert.

I don't know what to do.  Please Holy Angels and Holy Saints pray for me.  I cant go through too many more days of this.  I hate it all.  I want to do nothing but sleep in my room. I wish that I could be happy sometime.  I dont want to demand happiness always.  I feel as though my life has been robbed and now I'm unable to do anything.

I'm trying my best.  I've asked a number of literary agents to see whether my novel will appeal to their senses and thoughts.  I don't know what to do. I can't stand it anymore Please help me.  I have a GOFundMe and so I will see if anyone's even looked at it.

Mary Faderan